How to Deal with the Jealousy of Others

Before we delve into this topic, let's create some useful definitions that will help us understand this topic.

There is NO such thing as jealous people. The idea of a jealous person is a nominalization , which is a big word for turning verbs into nouns. There are no jealous people, there are only jealous states.

What do I mean by this?

A person only becomes jealous in certain situations. A person might get jealous of your car. However, at the gym the individual may be bigger then you so there is no need for him to be jealous. Therefore, a person may or may not enter a jealous state at different times.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are those that access jealous states much more frequently then others, but they are still temporary states. I have never met an individual that was in a constant jealous state.

The other interesting concept that I wanted to introduce was that jealousy fulfills an important need. What is this need? Significance. This is the exact reason why an almost-always-jealous person who is bigger then you would not be jealous of you at the gym. This is because jealousy serves no purpose and fulfills no need at this time.

Of course, jealousy is not a resourceful state. However, it's popularity is due to its quick access and ease of use. This is also why drugs are popular: both in the over the counter form and from your local crack dealer.

Now.. what makes jealousy even more interesting, and popular, is that most of the people that become jealous see that they have a "right" to be jealous. In other words, the jealous individual is able to project his feelings of ill-will on to others and not take responsibility for his situation.

Let's recap, jealousy is popular because it is: free, easy, quickly accessible, and takes away the need for self-responsibility.

Do you see why jealousy has been so popular since the times of Cane and Abel? Do you see why it will continue to be around for the next thousand years?

Why would one learn to deal with the jealousy of others?

Learning to deal with the jealousy of other is important because the more successful you become (as you surely will) the more jealousy you will have to deal with. This is OK. Dealing with jealousy, just like everything else is a skill set that you will soon acquire after reading this post!

The shortcut: the shortest way to deal with jealous people is to not be around jealous people. There is a small segment of the population that doesn't access jealousy as a state. No, I'm not talking about those that access a depressed state (although they are rarely jealous since their pain is turned inside not outside) I am talking about HIGH achievers.

You will very rarely hear high achievers talk about others in a negative light.

The quickest way to deal with the jealousy of others is not to have to deal with it at all. This can be done by surrounding yourself with high achieving and high self esteem peers.

Unfortunately, this strategy can only work 100% of the time in a vacuum. The reality is that we live in a world where we must deal with all sorts of people.. so we must proceed to cover this topic.

So who are jealous people?

Instead of defining exactly who jealous people are (sorry for nominalizing), let's figure out who they are not. Jealous people, as mentioned before, are not depressed people. Jealous people project their pain out while depressed people project their pain inwards. Jealous people are also NOT high achievers, at least in that specific realm of their life. Jealous people are also not aggressors, in other words they don't confront individuals head on (in other words they are just little pussys).

That leads to the same question: WHO the hell are jealous people?

Jealous people are those that use passive-aggressiveness as their defacto coping mechanism. The next time someone hates on you try saying: "that is interesting that you are accessing the passive-aggressive coping mechanism". Tell them David Weisburd told you to say that ; )

Sorry, I got carried away, let's get back to the issue...

Jealous people typically fall into different subsections: haters, jokers, losers, .

Let's break these MF-ers down and see how to deal with each of them. To our advantage, these individuals are incredibly predictable and act consistently every single time.

The Hater

The hater, due to his jealousy, will try to mock you or find the smallest fault with what you are doing. Here's what's interesting: the more they focus on you the more you know they are a hater. Why? I can't talk for you but I can hardly remember a situation where I had the time to follow someone else's life and analyze them for the sake of critizing it.

You can be sure that the hater is struggling with issues in many aspects of his or her life. This is sad. Perhaps you can give him a hug or a kiss because he's just a BABY!

Jokers

Jokers are the "intellectuals" of the jealousy family. Jokers create a seperate ego to cope with the success of others. Often times, jokers will have such parts-disintegration that you will have known them for several years without ever getting to know their true personality. In fact, jokers may not even know their own true personality, which, in my opinion, is pretty tragic.

Jokers are great at self-delusion.

Remember, they are simply using passive-aggression as a coping mechanism. If the joker is annoying you too much tell him he has an interesting coping mechanism and that it is very cute.

The Losers

Losers are the ones that I feel for (a little). These are the people that will say: "well that's cause you have this or that." They DO NOT NEED YOUR PITY. These people get pity from everyone else, ALL the time. If they didn't they wouldn't access this state so often.

Break them out of it and say: you are not broken, and you were meant to get shit done in this world. It is interesting what a little success will do to the "loser".

Here's the point: once you start to consciously realize the building blocks of jealousy you will find that it doesn't bother you anymore. Why? Because the jealousy is ALWAYS about the other person and never about you. Don't believe me?

Isn't it true that the last time you were jealous it was a result of what was going on in your life not the other person's?

That is the key to dealing with the jealousy of others. I hope you enjoyed this exhaustive guide.


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"As I matured as a business leader, I started to realize that in order for business to work, I must give $100 of value and ask for $10 in return." - Eben Pagan

If you benefited greatly from this specific post, please contribute. If you didn't, don't give me a penny!

How to sleep 6 hours a night without an alarm clock

This is the post that many of you have been waiting for.. so let's begin.

This will help you sleep 6 hours a night (if needed) or sleep 7 hours a night and feel as if you are a lazy fat American (which is what I personally do).

In this post I am going to talk about a lot of different aspects of sleep. Keep in mind that this is not my personal theories on sleep nor is it even scientifically based. All I can write about is what I have personally experienced to be the most optimal way to sleep effectively.

One of the most important concepts of effective modeling is to model what works in practice not in theory.

As an entrepreneurial individual, I hope you understand the distinction and value this information:

So let's begin...

If you thought we could talk about your sleep-schedule in a vacuum then you were wrong. "Shockingly" sleep schedule is closely related with your exercise, diet, and mental health.

Let's start with exercise:

Exercise

I have experimented with different types of exercise. Overall, with cardio and weight lifting, I exercise 6 days a week.

In terms of sleeping well, by far, the most effective strategy has been doing cardio late in the evening (anywhere between an hour and three hours before going to sleep).

Doing cardio in the evening has a couple positive effects. It is the quickest way to improve your night's sleep. You can eat a pretty bad diet and do cardio late in the evening and still sleep much better then the average American (this is the reality).

Cardio also has a hidden benefit of supressing appetite and taking away the need to stuff your mouth with food late in the night. This is very important because EVEN if you exercise all day long and you overeat late at night you will not have a good night's sleep. This is because your body will be busy digesting all your food.

Again, I have found the most effective time to do cardio (for sleep's sake) is AFTER dinner, although not directly after, and roughly one to three hours before going to sleep.

Note: This doesn't apply to weight lifting, I have found weight lifting makes it slightly easier to sleep but can not compare to the positive effects of cardio.

Diet

Diet is the second most important determinant of how much sleep you need. Again, I will say that not eating late at night is the single most important determinant of whether or not you have a good night's sleep.

Personally, I have switched to a vegan diet in order to get an extra burst of daily energy. One of my favorite bloggers, Steve Pavlina, went through a very similar experience for the same exact reasons so you can read about the choice from his perspective: Why Vegan.

I am not trying to convert you, I don't REALLY care that much ;). If you are interested in getting much more energy then look into it as a viable alternative.

For those that would like to try it for 10-days (which is the initial commitment that I made), let me answer some of the most common questions that I get all the time:

1) How do you get all the protein?

This is usually a loaded question that people ask me. For me, it IS more difficult to get the protein that I need. This is because of my weight lifting exercises I require double the amount of protein that the average human must consume. For this reason, I must consciously know the protein that I am getting.

For the average American, it is quite easy to get the necessary protein while maintaining a vegan lifestyle. In fact, by the time breakfast is done I will have consumed the daily amounts of protein the average American requires.

Because of our great capitalistic society (for the time being) there are many food choices for Vegans including substitutes for burgers, chicken nuggets, pizza, hot dogs, sausages, bacon, etc.

Much of the substitutes taste indifferentiable and allow me to live an "unhealthy" lifestyle of pizza, sausage, and chicken nuggets.

Outside of these meat substitutes, I have found the most natural protein in:
-Edamame
-Almonds
-Soy nuts
-Whey protein
-Soy Milk

2) Don't you crave meat?

No, I have no craving for meat. I still have some weird desire/fetish for rotisseri chicken. Maybe this is because there is no vegan equivalent, but I imagine that this craving will pass as well.

I also do not believe in doing ANYTHING to an extreme so I am open to having meet or dairy products 2-3 times a month though I have found no need to do it.

3) Isn't it more expensive?

Overall, I would be lying if I said that grocery shopping is not more expensive. However, most of the groceries can be found in the large super-markets (like Meijer in Indiana) and is significantly cheaper if you are used to eating out often.

Personally, I am one that compulsively ate at restaurants for social reasons (at least once a day). I will say that the increase in energy and mental clarity that you will get from being a vegan will increase your ability to be more social much more then any restaurant.

Also, keep in mind, of course, that just because you are a vegan or vegetarian doesn't mean you can't eat out.

Outside of all the health benefits of being a vegan, and they are just too long to list (like an average life expectancy increase of 10 years), I have adopted this diet almost exclusively for increased energy levels. It has been effective for this purpose.

Mental Health

This is an often over-looked and important part of achieving this and any other goal. Before I proceed, I must confess that I didn't execute well on this goal.

Before starting, I didn't have a very good reason for wanting to get up at 5 am or 6 am. This may explain, why I "sleep in" till 6 am.

Developing a big enough why for diet and sleep patterns will really help you go along way in executing successfully on this plan.

Like any goal, the mental components break down to: how much do you want something + how easy is it to attain.

For this goal, slow-waking really made it significantly easier to get up. In summary, this means really stretching your body and contracting/relaxing before you get up from your bed. This will put you in a great positive state that will make it easy to get up naturally.

It also helped to get up slowly so that I really conditioned my mind to enjoy getting up.

Miscellaneous

What will help cement your sleep schedule is to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. For those of you who have amazing will power, this should be kept up even on weekends (for 30 days). For those of you for whom it is not possible (like myself) doing so 5 times a week will go a long way towards creating a pattern of sleep that will become unconscious for the rest of your life!

Also, the easiest way to have more time to sleep and activities is to go to sleep earlier. Most people have the mindset "if only I could sleep in an extra hour 'till 9" where they should be thinking, "If only I could go to sleep two hours early at 11".

Do you still nap?

Most people know about my quirky napping schedule. Although I gave it up for several days I have gone back to napping for 20 minutes every afternoon. Now, with the new Pzizz app for the iphone will not be giving up my naps anytime soon. There are many positive effects of napping and you can google them. A nap of as little as 10-20 minutes roughly 6 hours after you get up can go along way towards increased mental clarity and energy.


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"As I matured as a business leader, I started to realize that in order for business to work, I must give $100 of value and ask for $10 in return." - Eben Pagan

If you benefited greatly from this specific post, please contribute. If you didn't, don't give me a penny!

How to Reach Your Goals Easily

The title of this post pretty much sums up most of the reason people read my blog so let's delve right into it.

BEFORE we start tackling this issue we must redefine certain terms. The first term we must redefine is "easy". What do people mean when they easily?

Usually, in our society, when people use the word easy they mean "without much physical/emotional exertion".

This is not an effective definition. Rather then explain why it is not effective let me tell you a personal story.




When I started working out with my trainer, Matt Hunckler, over 2 years ago, it was incredibly difficult. In fact, looking back, it was one of the most difficult life transformations that I have had to go through.

Why?

It was difficult because my body, and most importantly, my mind was not used to "maxing" out. It took a great deal of will power to execute on the 3-day-a-week workout regime.

What made it even more difficult, which is true with almost any worthwhile goals, is that I didn't get any gains for around 5-6 weeks. This means that at the time that it was most difficult I had no reward.

Now, thankfully, I researched this topic before hand (being the nerd that I am) and I anticipated it and therefore got an excellent trainer and motivator.

What's the point? Here is the interesting thing, after a while working out became increasingly easier. NO, it didn't get any physically easier. I was still maxing out and gritting my teeth.. it just got easier mentally.

How much easier? On a scale from 1-10 it went from roughly 10 to a 2.5. As time went on it became easier and even easier until finally it became... ENJOYABLE.

As you know, this experience is not a "miracle" or a special case, it is the way our body and mind works... so before we move on let's redefine the word easy as it relates to attaining our goals.

Easily - with minimal conscious (as opposed to subconscious) effort.

Rule #1 - Use the power of momentum to make tasks easier (see definition).

Momentum - the compound interest of action.

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So how did I have the "motivation" to follow through on the first 6 weeks of the workout? Easy, I had a big enough why + a sense of urgency.

The MOST effective goal setters and achievers in our society go towards goals not away. While most people live their lives going away from goals whether consciously or unconsciously.

The way to achieve optimally is to CONSTANTLY think about your towards goal. I know the body that I want, the girlfriend that I want, and the swagger that I want. I focus on this not only before my workout but ESPECIALLY on the last reps of each individual set (90% of muscle growth is experienced in the last 2 reps).

By the way, if you don't focus TOWARDS a goal your mind will program you automatically to focus away from a goal. You must opt-in to towards-goal thinking. What is interesting is that ALL peak performers use this strategy just most of them are not aware of it. Most of them aren't even aware that it is possible to use an away-from strategy

Rule #2 - Think about what you are working towards (not away), before the act, during the act, at night, etc.

Rule #3 - Take on the belief if-not-now-then-when.

By the way, before we move on, isn't it interesting that some people proceed to tackle their goals without having a towards goal motivation? Here's the bottom line: either figure out WHY you want something or DON'T do it, spend your conscious will power on something that has a big enough why.

If you are having problems with this you might want to take a step back and think about your PERSONAL values, not those imposed by others or society on you (see NLP meta programs).

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You can still follow all this advice and not achieve your goals. This is probably because you don't have a coach/mentor/peer and/or you are not setting benchmarks.

It is important to understand that EVERYTHING is a process and can be broken down into benchmarks and goals.

For example, if you wanted to build muscle mass, here would be the benchmarks.

1) Find a trainer.
2) Have the trainer look at your diet and devise a workout routine for you.
3) Work out for 1 week (hardest)
4) Work out for 4-5 more weeks until progress is seen.
5) Etc.

Two things to consider here:
1) It is highly encouraged to keep a log. It is amazing how quickly we internalize successes and if we don't log them we may not realize just how far along we are going.
2) CELEBRATE your successes

Let me start with #2 just because this is a big pet peeve of mine. There is a "belief" out there that celebrating your wins will keep you from achieving great things. Let me assure you that the science of peak performance has shown this belief to be false. In fact, celebrating wins is one of the most correlated practices of peak performing individuals and teams.

Let me repeat: CELEBRATING WINS/BENCHMARKS WILL INCREASE YOUR LIKELIHOOD OF LONG TERM SUCCESS. Etch that into your mind, it is something that will not change over the next thousand years.

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Finally, schedule it in. If it has no room on your schedule it will not get done. Period. There are no exceptions.

Rule #4: SCHEDULE it in or it won't get done.

That is it. The biggest problems highly motivated people will have in executing this plan will be in values conflict. For example, you might love to work with people but you want to have a home business. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to perform with these conflicts. A good licensed NLP coach will go a VERY long way in helping with these conflicts. It has been found that success is 80% about aligning psychology and only 20% strategy.

My coach is excellent and I constantly rep him because he has had a profound impact on my life. Email me at dweisburd@gmail.com if you want a free consultation from him.

Whatever you do stop procrastinating and get your shit in order. It's time to rebound our economy.

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"As I matured as a business leader, I started to realize that in order for business to work, I must give $100 of value and ask for $10 in return." - Eben Pagan

If you benefited greatly from this specific post, please contribute. If you didn't, don't give me a penny!

How to source top performing A players to your company

Taken from Hire with Your Head by Lou Adler.

"If you're trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language, the language in which they think." - David Ogilvy.

The best people are looking, finding and hiring them is the challenge. Counteroffers are more prevalent and more are being accepted.

-First it's important to recognize that top performers don't look for new opportunities the same way that average candidates look. They're more selective, and even if they are looking, they will only consider positions that offer true opportunities... The common agreement among the best people is that their criteria to move forward or not involves a long-term goal and major career step, not just a tactical decision based on salary and location. Not understanding this difference is why so many companies lose so many good people. If you want to get more of these great people into the game, your job descriptions must describe career opportunities, not just skills and experiences.

-The mission statement for any sourcing program should be to find the strongest people possible in the shortest period of time at the lowest reasonable cost.

-It is not a viable strategy to use boring qualification-intensive ads, and "hoping" something will work.

Channels for a sequenced sourcing program:

Develop a sourcing strategy that consists of multiple channels sequenced in some way based on quality, cost, and time not a silver bullet approach:

-Resume databases
-Internal transfers
-Internet-based advertising
-Employee referrals
-College recruiting
-Diversity recruiting
-Campaigns and career events
-Direct sourcing
-External recruiting - Paying a fee for an A player is always worth it. Paying a fee for a B player is not.

Corporate recruiting departments all want to find the silver bullet or the next tech toy to solve their sourcing problems. A one stop solution doesn't exist.

Offer Careers Not JOBS

-Top people don't use the same criteria when applying, considering, or accepting an offer.

The following are the top 5 critera that top people use when deciding to accept an offer:
1) The job match: the best people want to do work that challenges them and allows them to grow in areas they deem important.
2) The hiring manager: Top people want to work for leaders and mentors who can help them reach their goals.
3) The quality of the team: The team is very important for a top person. Meeting strong potential coworkers (or peers) can overcome other concerns and minimize the chances of accepting a counteroffer.
4) The company: A strong company with a great employee can get someone interested, but these factors are less important when a person makes the final decision or not.
5) The compensation package - as long as the package is reasonable, most top people don't consider it the number-one consideration.

-A great web site with boring jobs won't attract top people.

The sourcing sweet spot - semi active and semi passive people.

Very active - These are people who need a job and are aggressively looking. Around 20 percent of the market. Top people are underrepresented in this pool.

Semi-Active (Best) - These are people who are fully employed but want a better job. Compelling advertisements work on these people. They represent around 25 percent of the employment market and are the sourcing sweet spot. To capture them your ads need to be visible and you must move fast. For a corporation with limited resources most of its efforts should be spent on sourcing people from this group.

Semi-passive (Second Best) - The best approach to this group is to pre-qualify them before you call. The only way to pre-qualify someone is if he's been referred by someone else.

Very passive - These people don't want another job. It takes too much effort and time to call and convince them (though some talent does reside in this pool).

-In good economic times, fast-growing, highly visible companies attract a larger share of top candidates. In slower economic times, solid, stable companies with a more secure future enjoy the spotlight.

-Top people will explore career opportunities if the underlying message makes career sense. Don't post traditional skills-based job descriptions if you want to see more top people. This is akin to advertising the technical specifications for a consumer product and expecting people to buy it. The best candidates are not interested in doing the same job over and over again, even for more money. If the ad is compelling enough then you'll attract more high-potential candidates and those great applications sitting ont he fence, waiting for the right opportunity to present itself.

******Example of a BORING AD

Customer Service Representative

-We are looking for a Customer Service Representative on behalf of our client, Acme Systems. This position is based in Dallas, TX.

Summary

-Our customer service representatives will apply their strong communication skills to fulfill customer needs to ensure customer satisfaction.

Responsibilities
-Respond to a high volume of customer inquiries.
-Process orders and prepare various correspondences.
-Two year's previous customer service experience.
-Proven track record of stability and commitment to providing excellent customer service.
-Strong computer skills.
-Excellent communication skills, detail-oriented, and ability to multitask.
-Able to work in a team environment.

Example of a BORING AD******


******Example of the same add improved

Customer Service Rep, Jugglers, and Master Organizer

Our client is growing fast in major part due to its focus on ensuring great customer service. As part of this expansion, the company wants to hire people who are looking for long-term careers in customer service, sales, or marketing. If you're interested in a career, not just a paycheck, then check this out:

1. You'll be put through a highly interactive three-week training course on using state-of-the-art CRM systems.
2. You'll need to juggle lots of tasks, track down orders, and solve tough-scheduling problems in order to keep our discriminating customers happy.
3. Attention to detail is critical. We take great pride in marking sure every order is 100 percent correct.
4. Our customers and your teammates are counting on you to be here, every day. If you're ever worked in this type of environment, you know how important teamwork and commitment are to personal success.
5. We'd like a year-or-so in a call center or customer service position. More important though is a commitment to yourself to be as good as you possible can. We'll help you achieve this goal.

Example of the same add improved******

******Example of another great ad (this ad performs consistently in the market so feel ree to mimic it)

CEO (circa 2010) Fast-Forward One Year

We'd like to thank you for making Philadelphia a great place to live. Here's what happened under your leadership:

1. You raised $50 Million to create a City of Life center as a safe place for inner-city kids to hang out after school.
2. You introduced a new program for single moms to enter the workforce with real jobs that offered real careers.
3. You got the top 50 companies in Philadelphia to make major commitments to being part of the city's revitalization program.
4. Your programs helped stem the tide on drug use, reduced gang membership, and increased the graduate rate of all city high school.

We can't wait until net year.

Now Back to Today.

If you'd like this story to be yours...

Example of another great ad (this ad performs consistently in the market so feel ree to mimic it)******

(By the way, the above concept can be used to shape your own mission statement, see rapid planning model by Tony Robbins).

-ZoomInfo is a site that searches the internet for names of people and categorizes them by title and company. Their JobCast emailing system allows you to automatically send the ad to anyone with an email address. Two of the final four candidates for the CEO position came from referrals from the JobCast email. The key was that the ad was so compelling that people wanted to send it to others.

-If you want to attract the best people, ads should be written from their unique perspective - they don't need a job, but they might check out a better opportunity. Design and write your ad to stand out and attract top people who have multiple opportunities.

In Summary, great ads should:

1) Have a compelling title that's quickly seen on the long listings of open opportunities.
2) Write copy that's focused on what the candidate will learn, do, and become.
3) Describe the most critical skills in the context of how they're used.

-An ad needs to overcome the intertia of not responding, or the pull of dozens of similar-sounding ads.

-A suvery of over 500 candidates we took a few years ago showed that 65 percent to 70 percent of all candidates checked out a company's web site before applying for a job they found at one of the job boards. Half decided not to apply as a result, because the career section was weak. It surprises me that some people dismiss the need for a career site, suggesting that they just want to hire passive candidates. Even passive candidates will look on your site before considering a potential opportunity.

Employee Referral Programs

-As far as I'm concerned, a proactive company employee referral program should be at the core of every sourcing strategy. Most companies will tell you that their internal employee referral program has produced more top people than all other methods combined. In the past, we've heard this from representatives of Microsoft, AIG, Wells Fargo, Yahoo, etc.

-Promote a formal referral program and offer a bounty. These can range from $500 to $3000. Encourage employees to refer other A players and make sure you follow up quickly with every referred person in a very professional manner.


-

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How to easily wake up Monday Morning : Slow-Waking

As some of you know, I have been conditioning myself to receive 6 hours of sleep a day without the use of an alarm (I am down to 7 hours right now! and going strong).

This has required a change in lifestyle, diet, exercise, etc.

While some of this has been difficult to implement and required some temporary will power, one part of my regime has been incredibly easy and pragmatic. For lack of a better word, we will call it: the art of slow-waking.

Before I describe the art of slow-waking, I want to pat myself on the back and tell you that: if you implement this, this will SIGNIFICANTLY make waking up much more enjoyable and easy.

OK.. let's begin.

Here are the steps to slow-waking:

1) Open your eyes
2) While laying down, stretch out your entire body
3) SLOWLY turn, bend your knees, and put your feet on the ground.
4) Slowly stand up
5) Walk outside

There are 3 reasons why this works:

1) Stretching out your body makes it exponentially easy to get up, it feels damn good and puts you in a good state for wake up.

2) Waking up slowly conditions your body not to "hate" waking up. It makes the mind feel that you do not hate it. This is the equivalent of when our group was told not to run across hot coals because this would signal to the brain that there is danger ... and you would get burned.

3) Going outside will stimulate your evolutionary survival mechanism and almost instantly wake you up. Not to mention, if you happen to know yogic breaths doing so outside will flood your body with oxygen and energy.

This is the most low-hanging fruit of waking up easily without an alarm clock. Go implement it and watch for more strategies coming up in the next month or so.

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How to Stay Focused ALL Day Long

1. Staying focused is ALL about being able to stay totally ENGAGED and totally DISENGAGED. The best performers, in business, paradoxically are sprinters not marathoners. Yes, of course, they keep a long term perspective. But, when it comes to execution they perform in short term bursts (30 minutes to 90 minutes).

Note: If you are as quirky as me you even use a stop watch.

2. The latter part of staying focused is learning how to actively disengage. There are some interesting techniques for this. Personally, I like to vary it up during the day but some of the most effective ways are:

a) Exercise, specifically my new favorite: rebounding. 5 minutes of rebounding while watching TV will scramble your mind and make you feel like it's the beginning of the morning again.

b) Going outside. This is especially effective if it is winter outside and if you happen to not be wearing a shirt. Why? This shocks your system and tells you to wake up (it's an evolutionary thing).

3. Not allowing things to bother you during the day. This means: turning off your phone, not checking your email (all the time), etc. It also includes on bathroom breaks and things of this nature, scrambling your thoughts by saying "Na,na,na,na"... yes like a little kid. We can talk about the theory behind this for 2 hours or you can try it for 5 seconds, how does this sound? ;)

Now get back to work and FOCUS!

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What is Congruence and why it's important

Congruence is a very interesting topic to write about because everyone is heavily influenced by it, and very few people are aware of it.

Instead of giving a dictionary definition of congruence, let me give you some examples:

Barack Obama is very congruent. Hillary Clinton is very incongruent. Bill Clinton is very congruent... Nancy Pelosi is very incongruent... John Edwards is incongruent.. as is Harry Reid.

Do you have any better idea on what congruence is?

Congruency is when all of our inner parts align. There are different types of congruence.

For example, one congruence is when your tone and facial expressions match what you are saying. Have you ever had someone tell you one thing while their body language said something else.. this is incongruence.

What is interesting about this is that the face sends signals at incredibly quick speeds that the subconscious of other individuals is able to process (this has been proven by slowing facial expressions in high speed videos).

Incongruence sucks. In fact, if you are like me, you get very uncomfortable around someone who is incongruent. The best example is the typical "nice passive aggressive guy", don't you just want to bitch slap him?

Congruence is also incredibly powerful. It is the force behind every individual's and group's rise to power. Congruence is also the power behind individual empowerment.

Yes, congruence will make you very well liked and trusted.. but most importantly, congruence will get rid of any internal friction that is holding you back and make you succeed at lightning speed.

I say lightning speed quite literally, while people are sitting around "thinking" you will be able to make decisions like a ray of lightning... ZAP.. just like that.

How do we become congruent?

Becoming congruent is an easy process, IF you know the right tools. If you don't know the right strategies, it is VERY difficult to become congruent.

Before we become congruent, we must understand the parts of our lives that we are incongruent in. Some of us are blessed with self awareness.. while others might need a little help (if you need help a good NLP coach can bring out the parts).

Once we understand our incongruenty it becomes infinitely easier to become congruent. One of the most important concepts of self sabotage and congruence is that all parts inside you want the best for you they just use different strategies to get there.

For example,

Part A: I want David to be safe, secure and live a good life.

Part B: I want David to be very successful and achieve great things.

While these parts are inside you and at conflict you will be incongruent. Well.. at least a part of you will be incongruent.

Here is the good news: there are strategies, and we are talking about 100's of different ones that all work, that can get rid of internal conflict and incongruence.

Bottom Line: It is not enough to understand congruence intellectually. At best, intellectual understanding will only explain why you dislike someone so much. In order to BECOME congruent we must use an experienced NLP coach.

Personally, I have gone through many coaches and have found one that I can confidently put my name behind. If you are interested e-mail me at dweisburd@gmail.com and I will forward you his info.

Whatever you do, find a coach that can help you! It will change your life for the better.

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How to wake up Feeling Excellent

Steve's a great blogger, and his routine is very close to mine (except the 5 AM part):

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/10/how-to-wake-up-feeling-totally-alert/

2 important points:

1) Waking up early has more to do what you do at night then in the morning.
2) It is not about having "amazing" will power.
3) Not mentioned in blog: one of the best ways to wake up feeling great is to breathe fresh air both at night and early on in the morning. This signals to your mind to GET UP.

Also, for those interested in the topic of veganism (just an interesting read not trying to convert you): http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/09/why-vegan/

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Resourceful vs. Unresourceful states

What is a state?

A state is equivalent to what we would call a "state of mind."

A state of mind can be angry, happy, jealous, depressed (not same as angry), etc.

Why does it matter?

States are VERY important, as they determine the capacity to which a person can perform. You can take the most talented and intelligent person and if they are in an un-resourceful state they can be beaten by an amateur.

Athletes, especially Olympic athletes, are very aware of this. Take Michael Phelps and make him depressed and he will be beaten by a high school swimmer.

Why we should be aware of states?

States are an important concept to be aware of for two reasons:
1) Most people are not aware of them
2) There are a lot of misconceptions about state

For example, there are fables out there that say that people who are stressed out, vengeful, or full of hatred can use these states to bring motivation. The answer is NO. What is interesting is that there is debate about this, although the science of peak performance has provided us with the answer. (It is the equivalent of having debates about gravity).

It has been shown time and time again (google it for yourself) that the most resourceful states are that of conviction, fulfillment, hope, etc.

What is the point of this post?

The point is, STATES matter. This past weekend I learned how to change my state and with a state of total conviction I was able to walk barefoot across 2000F coals. Trust me when I say that once you do something like this you kind of "believe it". That is.. you believe that states matter.

If you are in an un-resourceful state there are several things you can do to change state:
1) Clean your room
2) Call a friend
3) Go out of the house/office

etc..

Change your state, change your life.

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E-mail I sent about my Business Coach

I am emailing you (along with a small handful of entrepreneurs that I know) to tell you about the coach that I have been using the last couple of months. He has really taken my game to the next level. He has not only coached me on business strategy but also the psychological aspects of business which I have found to be more important than the actual techniques.

At first, I was reluctant about using a business coach, since it screamed “small business” to me, but what is great about my coach is that he specifically works with high performing entrepreneurs (making them even better). He has clients making several millions of dollars a year and up.

I talked to Dale (the coach) this week and he said he will be doing free 30 minute consultations this next week. At the very least, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND (that means: DO IT J) taking advantage of the free consultation and seeing what he can uncover for your success.

I guarantee you this will not waste your time, but obviously it’s on you whether you would like to do it. The way I looked at it is the downside is wasting 30 minutes of my time, the upside is someone who can coach me for the next 1,2,or 10 years (which I plan on doing).

If you are seriously interested let me know by emailing me @ dweisburd@gmail.com and I’ll be happy to send you his info, he is freaking excellent, the Return on Investment is incredible.

Best,
David

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The Skill of Empathy

Last night I had an upsetting conversation with my ex-girlfriend. Upsetting, because I value and genuinely like people and I do not like the feelings of bitter hostility.

After the conversation I went to speak with a friend. Unfortunately this left me feeling even worse.

Why?

One of the distinctions that I have learned over the years has been in how to deal with upset people. Though I learned this crucial distinction through customer service, I have since applied it to nearly all my relationships.

As a result, I have been rewarded, quite handsomely, with increased business opportunities and most importantly.. closer relationships with those around me.

What is that distinction?

The distinction is simple and yet incredibly important: empathy.

Before we consider what empathy is, let's consider what empathy is not. Empathy has to do with emotion. The opposite of emotion is not another emotion, it is the absence of emotion, otherwise known as logic.

The typical example is a wife coming home to a husband and complaining about how hard her day was.. blah blah. The husband, in a stereotypical male way, gives the wife logical solutions to her problems. The wife gets more upset... etc.

What happened?

The wife didn't want solutions.. at least not yet. The wife simply wanted TO BE HEARD. In fact, though we can put gender labels on this example, this situation is experienced by all sexes.

The good news is that empathy is just another skill set that can be learned. Personally, it is a skill set that I myself learned. Contrary to popular belief, empathy is not heightened emotion, it is heightened perception. Cave man meet astronaut.

Of course, the typical average male sees this as "acting feminine" and of course is too threatened to even discuss this issue (which also may explain why he is with typical average female...).

But you are no doubt above average, so let's continue..

Looking at the people in your life, you will notice that most females are better at empathy then most males. However, there is clearly a significant amount of females that are not good at empathy, we call them those that have few friends (sorry but I must spit the truth).

Let's get down to the details. The way to empathy is not complex, it is rather simple. We must however be wary of empathy's arch enemy "personal ego".

The reason individuals do not empathize is usually because they are too damn concerned about showing off their "logical virtuosity" or out of complete neglect or apathy.

Wrong. Bad.

While I am a friend of the individual and the ego, the worst possible time you can think of yourself and not the other individual is when an individual is in pain.

By doing this you are neuro-associating the intense grief of the individual with pictures of you. In other words, you are impressing into the individual's mind powerful associations of hatred alongside yourself.

WARNING: Doing this may result in losing years of hard earned trust.

What is the alternative? The alternative is quite easy:

1) Listen and empathize.
2) It doesn't really matter.

You may be surprised by the powerful effect of saying: "I'm sorry you are so hurt by this." That's it. Pragmatic solutions have a time but they can certainly wait.

We can debate back and forth the theory behind this, but the bottom line is that thousands of years of evolution back this concept. So let's get on with it and go use it.

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Un-Coachability as a Bottleneck

Brad Smart, through research on thousands of A player employees, found resourcefulness to be the ultimate competency that predicted success.

While I agree with this finding, I find it to be incomplete.

Through my own experience, and the painful experience of others, I have found that resourcefulness only leads to success when it is coupled with coach-ability (otherwise known as being coachable).

In fact, I write about this not just to make some side obscure observation. I write about this because I believe lack of Un-Coachability (add to dictionary) to be the greatest bottleneck in a company. More specifically, I believe that an uncoachable partner, CEO, or top manager, to be the greatest possible threat to a company... greater then the threat from a lack of funding, technology, and customer relationships put together!

How can I make such a preposterous claim?

Almost all problems, if framed correctly, can be solved. Whether it be the problem of how to become a better manager, improve technology, or deliver a better product to the customer. There are thousands of books, consultants, mentors, etc. that can be utilized to help individuals and organizations improve and succeed.

It is not, per say, EASY to solve all problems, but a problem that is framed correctly is almost certainly one that can be solved.

The problem then comes down to people, or culture. As many managers or entrepreneurs like to say: business would be easy if it wasn't for the people. Of course, this a cynical view but it does have some truth in it.

When managers or entrepreneurs say this they are usually referring to the mental or psychological barriers that keep people from staying focused on objectives.

The fact is: most people in organizations ARE smart enough to execute on most tasks. This is a result of : a fairly intelligent workforce + fairly easy objectives most businesses have. At its core, business is very simple. Unfortunately, much evil is done to companies when managers increase complexity to make their jobs "more interesting" (a topic for another day).

What is often the case is that EGO gets in the way of results. Much of the time, the ego translates directly to a lack of coachability.

Employees might believe:

"I can do this right myself" (valuing personal challenge over organizational development)
"I am a natural, the best business people are natural. Being coached, reading, and modeling others will intrude on my individuality and ability to deliver results.".

The bottom line is that it doesn't really matter why someone is uncoachable. It only matters that you understand that uncoachability will [almost always] lead to a huge bottleneck in the company. It is useful to know that the continuum between uncoachability and coachability is an official pscyhological metaprogram which is difficult to change once it is established in people.

The point is: if you work with someone that is uncoachable, watch OUT, you're in for a rough ride. This is, by the way, regardless of how talented the individual might be. Business, in our modern age, is dynamic and it is very rare for a person that is not willing to grow to become successful over the long term.

The good thing is that it is relatively easy to gage someone's coachability. Find something that the individual is doing and tell them "Have you thought about doing it this way?" After you do this, look for the knee-jerk response. Does the individual look to justify their actions IMMEDIATELY or do they at least take the time to listen to what you are saying.

Coachability doesn't mean conformity. The best combination is a coachable team member that is also an individual. This means that the guy or girl will hear you out but ultimately make his or her own decision on the subject. This is the mark of a great business person and one that will make a great addition to your team.

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**Retire in Paradise for $125k!**

For years, my parents have been thinking about "retiring in Florida". Such is the dream of many Americans.

With a little bump from yours truly and a great recommendation from my business partner, Steven Zamick, my family came across a little town in Florida called Boca Raton.

After visiting Boca Raton, I was amazed. It truly is the most beautiful and safe community in Florida. In fact, it has 3 of the top 10 gated communities in the country (including #1).

While this may be irrelevant for someone not willing to pay $5MM+, it certainly makes everything in the town better. Amenities such as free public valet, an full scale opera, and an art museum are all funded by the tax money from the "rich" people who live around you... rich people who do not commit crimes or frown (in public).

It truly is the Beverly Hills of Florida, and I know this as I have spent some time in the real Beverly Hills.


Now, if you know me you know that I'm not too much into "wishy-washy" things, so let's get right into the numbers. The numbers are quite staggering (These are my parents' actual numbers, do not rely on them for your own investment!!)


Valued before the bubble burst: $300k+
Priced less then a year ago: $275k
Negotiated Price: $125k

The property my parents are closing on was just recently listed at $275k, and the closing price is closing at roughly $125k!

Now, here is the cool part. While the property has gone down nearly 2 1/2 times in price, the rent has not changed. This may seem impossible but it is true. This is because the majority of renters are internationals (where my parents purchased their condo).

What do the numbers look like?

Monthly Mortgage: $700 (keep in mind this is a 15 year mortgage, most investors do 30 year mortgages which result in much higher cash flow)

Monthly Rent (approximates): January - April $2500/month. May - December - $1100/month.

In fact, my parents already have January - April 2010 rented out for $2500/month.

It doesn't take a math genius to see that it positively cash flows.

Note: As with all real estate there are other insurance and association fees but this gives you a rough outline of the cash flow that is there.

Of course, with any piece of real estate, there is a good and bad time to buy. Unfortunately, the prices that are currently in the market are not sustainable since they do not conform with basic economics (basic economics doesn't support prices going down 70% while rent staying stable). Of course, you never want to buy anything out of panic.. keeping this in mind right now IS the right time to buy if you are considering.

Let's be honest, a large part of writing this post is to promote the agent that my parents have been working for.

Such things happen when I work with excellent people.

If you would like to get in contact with my agent, e-mail me at dweisburd@gmail.com and I will connect you! Send this post to your friends so that you can all retire in luxury together!

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There's No Such Thing As FUN

What if I told you there is no such thing as fun? Would you be happy or sad? Chances are you wouldn't believe me.. because it sounds well... unbelievable.

Is there such a thing as fun? Yes. Is there really such a core concept as fun? No.

Let me explain...

One of the most important function of words is to create distinctions for individuals. These distinctions allow us to replicate our success, become conscious of what we experience, and help others experience the same.

In this regard, fun is not a useful concept. The word fun is too undefined, without form, and is impossible to replicate.

So what is fun?

For this post's sake, let's equate fun with being joyous or with having a high level of positive feeling. Fun is a non-core feeling that is ALWAYS connected to other more core-feelings.

Let me give you some examples:
A) Watching a football game may be fun to you, although not necessarily for someone else. Why? If you are a "big Colts fan" for example, you gain many core-feelings from watching football:

1) Connectedness - to other fans, to your team, to the players, to your city
2) Significance - if your team wins its as if YOU won, you feel better and more OK.
3) Variety - watching football is unpredictable and many different things can happen. You would not gain the same level of fun if you knew the exact outcome of the game.

B) Going to a bar/club may be fun to you (although of course not fun for others). Why?

1) Connectedness - to your friends, other people at the bar, new people you meet.
2) Significance - attention you receive, etc.
3) Variety - seemingly unlimited and diverse group of people and experiences.

Now, as you may have guessed, the point of this post was not to re-engineer fun. Although it may be a fun intellectual exercise, few people need help in knowing how to have fun.

The biggest problem for most of us is the fact that we are not able to have fun at our workplace/jobs.

Let's imagine for a moment what life would be like if you had fun everyday. More or less, it would be like going on vacation... full time.

Pretty cool, but is it achievable?

Let me answer this question with a fact that we know to be true: there is irrefutable evidence that there are those in society who love their jobs.

Now, here's the kicker. Although these individuals often times can not re-engineer and explain why they have fun, there are those that can... such as myself.

There are several different models to explain our core states. I want to offer two of them, don't get confused just use them as starting points:

Tony Robbins (needs we seek to satisfy):
1) Security
2) Variety
3) Significance
4) Connection and Love
5) Contribution & Improvement

Dale Diaz
1)Love
2)Connectedness
3)Being-ness
4)Ok-ness
5)Peace of Mind

Now, here's the kicker: as I wrote in the last post, most people have trouble because they try to seek intrinsic value in every task. For example, they try to find meaning in washing dishes rather then in the feeling of having the dishes washed. This difference is subtle but VERY IMPORTANT.

What is the alternative? I am a man that learns through examples, so I want to go through an example to demonstrate the process.

(Some of the facts may be exaggerated to prove a point)

Let's say that you have to do a 20 page report for your boss.

Now, the 20 page report may be a HUGE pain in the ass. You probably are telling yourself "I should do this report or I need to do this."

In reality, in our society, we don't really need to do anything... So, let's examine further on whether you should or should not do this report.

In order to see whether we should do something we need to look at : the consequences of doing it, versus the consequences of not doing it. If there are no consequences of not doing it, and you don't want to do it (there are no benefits), DON'T DO IT.

Chances are though, that there are consequences. Rather then thinking about the negative consequences, let's model what peak performers in every field do, and think about the positive consequences of our actions.

Let's say that this 20 page report, if done right, would help us get promoted from an associate to a vice president. Just by thinking to yourself: "If I do this report I could become VP" you will significantly increase your motivation.

However, it's not enough. Let's look at the CORE benefits that you could receive as a result of the positive consequences of your actions.

What will being a VP mean? After all, it has no intrinsic value. Don't believe me, try coming up to someone on the street and telling them that they are now the VP of Made Up Inc. do you think they would value this? No.

Back to the core-values.. What is so appealing about being a VP? In other words, what does this REALLY mean to you? (It is important to be objective and not judge your desires).

1) Instant significance (respect from coworkers, friends, family, etc.)
2) Indirect significance by having a higher wage you can gain significance through a bigger house, car, etc.
3) Variety - more interesting work and higher valued decisions.
4) Higher level of security - hopefully this is true.
5) OKness - feeling better about yourself and not anxious about achieving a certain amount in your life.

Now, these are some pretty strong core values and feelings.

The last step to becoming "motivated" is associating all those positive feelings with completing the Report. After all : the report is directly associated with you experiencing these feelings.

That is how you can inject fun into any task. Now go and apply it.

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Tip on Overcoming Procrastination

From Heart of the Mind:

"Many people think of what it is like to do a task, instead of seeing it done. Like Jennifer, these people can usually motivate themselves easily to do enjoyable things, but not "chores." Motivation is very difficult for anything that isn't inherently fun, and this lack of motivation often becomes a major obstacle to success and effectiveness.

The solution is to think of the completed task instead of the experience of doing the task. Occasionally you need to go a step farther and think of what's valuable to you about having the task completed. If there really isn't anything of value about completing a task, it's probably not worth doing. If there is something of value in completing a task, you can visualize that value to make motivation easier.

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